I accidentally had phone sex last night
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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