I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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