We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
