Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
