But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
