...so i touched it.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
