You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
