So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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