James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
