HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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