did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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