Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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