All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think I am morally bankrupt
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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