why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
