By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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