Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
