saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
