Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
