hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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