Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
