he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
