R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
