I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
