How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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