she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
