It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
