i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
