i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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