are you still at the devil's house?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
