quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
