I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
