I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
