I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
