my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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