I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
