I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
