Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
