i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
