she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
