i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
