i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
farters have to be the big spoon...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
