she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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