if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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