I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
