Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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