if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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