i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
