He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
