I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
