I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
